Day 24
Hate Darkness, Love the Light
Reflection By: Anonymous

Hmm Hate Darkness, Love the Light. Wow, this sure seemed like it was meant for me. Like the Holy Spirit gave this assignment to me.

I know about feeling the darkness and know about turning back to the "light". Turning back to joy, to being positive, seeking out the people who have the light.

To think about it now, I remember that one can be sucked into, pulled into the darkness just as one can be attracted to the light. Both forces are strong. One Good, one Bad. We have a choice.

I wanted to fit in-be a part of the "group." To help where I was needed and get help when I needed it. We took care of each other, helped in emergencies, child care, comforted in deaths, births, surgeries, illness. I beamed to others how lucky I was to have this group. I was pretty good about not gossiping when others gossiped to me about others in the group, but I did not stand up and say it was wrong, I was silent. I ignored the mental abuse.

Sure I had the light for a time, and then the darkness pulled me in. I started to go along with their negativity, I lost my light, and my guard was down. I see now that the signs were there. It was a very unhealthy group but I didn't realize it then. It surrounded me so I guess I went along because it was my support system. I never saw it coming..But

God had a plan and I survived. He took himself away from me for a time. The feeling of being separated from God was a pain I have never felt before I can't even explain it. I literally felt like I was dying. I had ulcers, stomach infections, sinus infections, anxiety to name a few.

I sought spiritual advice and was told God loved me sooo much and feels I'm special that was why I was being tested. I did not feel special. The evil surrounding me was so strong. My spiritual advisor kept reminding me that God was stronger. I endured it at first trying to be strong and deal with it because it was God's will. The pain, rejection, abandonment was unbearable. I finally got it. I was on my knees in front of the Blessed Sacrament as often as I could and prayed the rosary a lot more often. I sought out new Christian Communities. I had two in the past, but they had dispersed. Where two or more are gathered in His name, He is there. And it gave me some relief to just be in the light of the groups and pray together . This darkness was with me at different levels for about a year. I couldn't feel love from anyone. I didn't know why people said they loved me.

I then realized, after I started healing in a prayer ministry, that it was not a "light" positive group and then with more healing, was able to pray for them to heal and look toward the light, and still do.

Now I strive to be back to a PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) person. I see to take care of my self, body and soul and too keep God very close. I look for the "people of light" and steer clear of the negative ones, and when I am strong, pray for them. I try to spread goodness and "light" just as I had before when I had had Christian Communities in my life.

I never want to forget that pain so I can keep God close. I keep reminding myself that God is stronger than any darkness and to just turn toward him instead of away.