Day 10
Repent and Believe
Reflection By: Kelly Sanborn

" This is the time of fulfillment. The kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel." Mk 1:15

I was astonished when I reflected on this scripture - astonished at how perfectly it describes my faith journey. So much of it has been in my coming to terms with the power of these three seemingly very simple sentences. In reverse order:

"Repent, and believe in the Gospel" :
I so clearly remember the time before my RCIA conversion in 1999. I so clearly remember not believing that there even was such a thing as sin - I was a moral relativist. A huge part of my Christian conversion was in just simply seeing my own sin. It's like turning on a flashlight in a dark cave. I had been blinded to it - I had been used to reflexively denying it. It's not my fault, I'm the victim, not the sinner, etc. I clearly remember my first reconciliation - the time when I first sat down and actually said - " I have sinned. It's my fault - no one else's. God, I'm sorry . Please forgive me". For the first time, I saw myself for what I really was. I remember the tears. I remember how shockingly pure that moment was. It was one of my closest moments to Him. Since then, I've grown in this understanding. I now see myself as not just someone who sins , but as a sinner - one who cannot resist sin on my own - I need help. I need Him to help me. And I also need those who He has sent into my life to give me Spiritual Direction - it is amazing how powerfully He has gifted me by providing guides to lead me on. I have found that I can lean on them and gain strength from them. What is so interesting about sin is that I can best see it in myself when I am showered with love by someone I have sinned against. Just as Jesus does constantly. Then guilt illuminates my sin to me. These are probably the times when I am closest to Him. When I see my own sin; when I can suppress my Pride; when I see my complete dependence on Him to save me - from myself.

The Kingdom of God is at hand :
Back in October, I experienced the Cursillo weekend with 3 other men from our parish. The most profound learning I had from that weekend concerns this scripture. It was the realization of what reality really is. I know that might sound like a bit of metaphysical fluff, but what we were taught was anything but fluff. When we are in Church, or when we are on a retreat, or when we are deeply in prayer we often think that when we are done we need to return to the "real" world. We need to leave the spiritual world and return to "reality". The real truth is that it's the other way around - the spiritual world IS the real world. THAT IS reality. Not the world outside of Church. We are designed for the Kingdom of God - and it is at hand. That is where we will spend all of eternity. It's what we are designed for by our Creator. That's what we are attempting to bring present whenever we do spiritual things. That's probably why it brings such joy - we are designed for it by God Himself. This has been a profound, powerful break-though in my understanding of reality. When I am worshipping, praying or serving Him, I am home. I am in reality . And there is only one true reality - The Kingdom of God.

This is the time of fulfillment.
There is an urgency to this. I cannot just wait forever and just hope it happens. I have to participate. My job as His follower is to use my vocation (husband, father, believer) to make the world outside the Church look more like the real world - the one inside the Church. Ironically, it is not what I do that brings this about - it's what I become. Whatever I do is the result of what I've become. And what I need to become is alive . I have to actually come to life. To real life. His life. In doing so (to paraphrase Max Lucado), the Creator gets to do what He loves best - to Create, all over again. In coming to real life, God Creates again - He makes new life all over again - in me. This life is the life of Him, alive in me. This is the true fulfillment of the Gospel - this is how we bring about His Kingdom here on earth. We become fully alive only in Him. It is a life-long process. I'm a slow learner. During this Lenten season, let us remember that Jesus is the fulfillment of everything. He is here. This is the time. We must start now.

He is Risen!